alwAys Desperate for cHange

Things change. So fast. A blur. Where am I going? What am I doing right, what am I doing wrong?

Shifting gears at full speed can be thrilling and dangerous at the same time.

I know I didn't do everything right. Timing and words aren't always my thing. I act quickly. Too quickly, I don't know? I went with my heart this time. Those words "I don't know"-the stinger. Ouch. Sorry.

For now, I pray. That's all I can do. Pray that my heart made the correct choice. I've never just stepped off the clif without checking for someone at the bottom, but this time, I don't need to see that GOD is there. Test him and he will prove it. Test him twice and then a third time and his calling is clearer.

Thank you Lord for not letting me control my heart when youhave a different direction for me. I don't know where I am heading, but I trust that you do. I made a blind choice- but to you the view is different. Very different.

Soon we will see...

A little scruffy delight. I miss you so much.

A couple of my faves...

My favorite guest! Katey is my dear friend who lives in CT, but loves Jesus, art, nutrition, and kids...oh and did I mention coffee?


Katey and Cristina sitting in the corner at my house...I had to go give them some company. Then we talked the rest of the night!

Truly great times!

Today I realized....

I love making people happy. I enjoy being the presence of people who laugh and love to enjoy life. Not arrogant styles or those who try to make you laugh, but genuine laughs. I am so happy right now.

Finals begin in just a few days, but I have no fear that things will go well and that I will be pleased. God is such an amazing person. He's God. I am going on a mission trip one week from today and I am thrilled. Inner-city missions. I've done only one other trip of its kind, so I am excited to see what's around the corner.

Happy things about today:
1. I met an exec chef that I will be working for in the spring.
2. The partay was a blast.
3. Rach's race is in 3 days.
4. My room is clean.
5. I ran 9.3 miles this am with Maddie. I felt so successful.
6. I get to see Sarah in a couple of weeks.
7. My boyfriend is sweet.
8. My mom surprised me at my Christmas party tonight. :)

Soon, the days will change. I will have different goals and new sights in mind. For now, I need to study... I'll go now because my coffee is slowly starting to wear off.

Lord, give Rachel the strength she needs to run the race of her life. Give my friends the patience and diligence to work, the sleep to manage their work, and the brain juice to make it through finals week. I am asking this with all my heart. Love you Lord. Amen.

A day, a week, a month flies by...and I'm ready for changes.

I prepare myself for new things coming soon.

a. a rearranged living room.
b. the holiday season.
c. finals and new classes.
d. holiday job shifting.
e. love.
f. life.
g. habits.
h. friends.
i. the ways that i care for people.
j. internships.
k. ...a life outside of studying (this comes "post study hard")
l. a new month. yea. i get to write twelve instead of eleven now.

I live in waiting for God to provide. He has provided me with life thusfar that I would never change. People have come and gone each year. Friends have stayed, gone, and are in all different places in life now, but for me...I hold on. Lately (yesterday as a matter of fact) I have thought of how much I love God and how He is constantly in the center of my being. The heart. It pumps life into me each and every day. So, today I give freely, again, like a fresh start my life pumping organ to the God of the universe and throw off all that hinders/has been hindering me.

I pray this in His name. Amen.

#2 and camofied

Josh shot number 2 today. A ten point buck. I am so proud of him....I am not so sure if my proudness comes from the fact that he killed it or the expression he has when he talks about it. I know that as a girl with no hunting experience whatsoever...I am not compelling enough for him, but I am proud of him and hope that it makes his weekend even better.

On to more things...
nursing homes really aren't my thing. I've tried to get into them, but the smell of urine just makes me a little nauseous. I love the elderly, though, and the stories they tell. The things that they make up, the things that they want to give me (money for candy), and the fact that they don't hold anything back (gas, and crazy stories). Luckily tomorrow is my last day and then I will be on to more things. I love older people. It's just very hard to work in some of the environments that I've been in lately.

On to things about God. Woohoo. These things I wish I could talk about all the time. I overheard a pastor and college student at Panera this morning when I was studying for my experimental foods exam. They were talking about the bliss of talking about God- how reservation is ok, but it is such a delight to share your heart, your spirit and connect with others.

I did just this last night. I was a friend to someone that I know pretty well, but I want to know even more. Being real with people is how you show them God's love. Just love them.

That's all we're called to do. Love Him first, and He will help us love them.

In the days off....

A day off and many things done! woohoo. I even ate a delicious lunch. I say this, because I usually eat yogurt fruit, and toss in some fiber cereal or something, and I was actually at home today to make an egg white omelet with veggies. (just no one to taste it, but me). It was delicious, though.

I miss my roomies. They are off having fun in OK and CA. The sweet boyfriend is in OK, AR, and TX tomorrow, but I miss him too.

I can't wait to babysit tonight. It will keep my mind busy. I am just glad for the break, though. It's been great to get things done around the house and wash my sheets! I love clean, fresh sheets.

My neck is back in order, thanks to Dr. Chatfield doing some adjusting. It was a killer yesterday to do anything. Heat was the only time that it felt good. I've been debating whether I should ever tube again, thanks to the rebellious actions I did this summer, and got thrown off.

Today I am thankful for God. For His glory and power. That even when I don't know where my future is headed...He does. I don't know where I will be at Christmas, or the New Year, or after graduation. I just know that He holds the key to my life and all that I am capable of doing, and for now that is the best encouragement that I need. For in His hands, we all fall to rest. He is our strongest pillar. The lighthouse that never is clouded or fogged over. His light shines for all to see and for all to be directed by. Oh how great His name is! Hallelujah!